love in hardship.
true love in hardship is found in Christ alone.
With the rise of social media, romantic comedies, and TV shows, I believe the enemy has orchestrated a false narrative in the lives of individuals, causing them to act and expect certain things from their partner or spouse. This false reality is one that we perceive with our eyes, shaped by what we see online. In Matthew 6:22-23, Jesus said, “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!” (NIV).
This verse speaks to a revelation deeper than what we see in the physical realm. There is a spiritual realm at work, and it’s a warning to be careful of what we perceive through our "eye gates"—to not let them be used as tools for manipulation. When things don’t go the way we expect in relationships, whether our partner doesn’t participate in the latest TikTok trend or recreate a viral video, discord can easily follow. Personally, I’ve never understood the need to film every aspect of your romantic life or showcase it purely for the world to see. I recall being on Instagram, reading comments from people saying, “I can’t wait to spoil my wife like this” or “I wish my husband was like this.” Sometimes, even after being in a partnership for years, we hear, “They aren’t who I imagined them to be.” The Bible tells us in 2 Corinthians 10:5, “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” (KJV). Taking every thought captive means, when you see another couple and your heart desires what they have—whether mentally, physically, or spiritually (envy)—you cast it down IMMEDIATELY. Job 5:2 says, “Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple.” (NIV). If you begin to harbor or dwell on envy, it will bring mental bondage, and Satan may use that as a tool to manipulate how you act toward your partner or spouse. The mind truly is a battlefield.
While what I’m sharing is subjective, if the union you’re in is one that God has joined together—or even if it’s an intentional partnership with hopes of marriage—you must understand that unity and partnership are gifts from God when viewed from a heavenly perspective. Jesus tells us, “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6, Mark 10:9). Not having similar interests or attractions shouldn’t lead to the downfall of a relationship if you have faith that God will work everything for your good. Speaking from personal experience, it wasn’t easy for me to find attraction in men after being pursued in inauthentic ways based solely on physical attraction, or after struggling with the aftermath of pornography. It wasn’t until I began speaking to my Heavenly Father that He changed my heart’s desire. He showed me that He is ultimately in control and that He can do ANYTHING. My attraction grew once I came into a place of continual surrender—not just a one-time surrender. Jesus commands us to pick up our cross daily, and this is the cross I bore. When our spouse or partner stops putting in the effort they once did, or when they no longer perform in the way we’ve imagined (according to our own standards or society’s expectations), our heart posture should be to surrender it to Jesus—not try to control the situation. I truly believe I started experiencing physical back pain from carrying battles that God should’ve been fighting spiritually. But it’s easier said than done, especially when betrayal, lack of trust, or infidelity is involved.
My prayer for us all is that God purifies our hearts regarding relationships, as I see a strong attack on this area in today’s society—particularly among my generation (Gen Z). If a man doesn’t meet a woman’s needs or serve her, she might leave. The same goes for men. This “self-love” mentality isn’t biblical at all. Rather, Jesus calls us to be selfLESS, which is sacrificial (John 3:16, Philippians 2:3-4, 1 Corinthians 13, Matthew 20:28). Sometimes, this means putting others' needs before our own. That’s true unity. There is beauty in unity, often a symbol of Christ and the Church (the Bride). It’s a beautiful exchange of love between a man and a woman, just as God intended in Eden. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 tells us, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (NIV). Ah, three strands—a beautiful representation of us, our partner, and God.
Every time I write these posts, I speak from experience, and trust me—it’s hard. God deals with me DAILY on this. But let us help one another as believers. God’s kindness is leading us to repentance, and every relationship can reveal where our hearts are. The next time our spouse or partner doesn’t meet “our needs,” let’s pray and ask the Holy Spirit, “What do you want me to do in this moment?” I guarantee He will say something that will challenge our flesh, but in the end, it will all be worth it—for the glory of Christ. Instead, we could use that moment to encourage one another, as commanded in 1 Thessalonians 5:11: “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”
Our happiness should never be rooted in a person. Happiness is temporary—it “happens” and then fades. The moment our happiness isn’t fulfilled, our carnal nature might feel the desire to fill the void with something else, ultimately creating unnecessary emptiness. We should strive for joy—a resting fulfillment and peace found in Jesus. After all, joy is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22). Strive for joy, my brother or sister in Christ. And if you’re currently in a relationship or union that the enemy is trying hard to destroy (because he’s a hater and can’t stand unity in Christ), know this: The God we serve will never fail us, not in this lifetime or eternity. He is Jehovah Rapha when we feel weak, Jehovah Jireh when we feel our needs aren’t being met, and Jehovah Nissi, fighting our battles against every demonic principle trying to destroy our relationships.
Amen.
